Was Your Last Negotiation Just a Conversation in a Suit. (And How to Fix That)
Let me ask you something. Have you ever walked out of a meeting thinking, “Well, that was a good meeting”, but nothing actually changed? No one budged, no deal was made, and you're still stuck in the exact same spot you were in before the meeting.
Yep. We’ve all been there.
And here's the thing no one really tells you early on: just because you talked about money, strategy, or project timelines doesn't mean you were negotiating. That might've just been a conversation in a suit.
Now, don’t get me wrong, interesting conversations are great. They make you feel smart. They make others feel smart. You swap stories, drop a few stats, maybe even get someone to nod in agreement. You feel good. But let me be very clear:
Being Interesting is not enough; your arguments have to be compelling.
And if your arguments are not compelling, it’s not a negotiation.
The Moment I Learned This the Hard Way
Years ago, fresh in my first “real” role where I was expected to manage contracts and vendors, I walked into a meeting with a vendor who charged us sky-high rates. I had my spreadsheets. My logic was airtight. My PowerPoint was borderline art. I walked out proud.
Nothing changed. Zero. Nada.
Rates stayed the same. Deliverables didn’t shift. They smiled and shook my hand. And I went back to my desk feeling like I’d done my part until my boss gave me that look. You know the one. The “you talked, but did you actually move the needle?” look.
That’s when it hit me: I didn’t negotiate. I gave a presentation. I had a conversation. My arguments were... interesting.
But not compelling.
So, What Makes Something Compelling?
Here’s the clearest way I can put it.
If you’re in a negotiation, something changes. Someone feels differently than they did before the conversation started. Maybe they’re less defensive. Maybe they’re more open to options. Maybe they’re suddenly seeing value where they didn’t before.
In short: you caused a shift.
Let’s take a quick mental exercise.
Put three people in a room. Call them A, B, and C. A gives a pitch that they believe is a persuasive argument. Now ask B and C, “Was that interesting or compelling?”
They’ll know.
Because we feel compelled. We remember compelling. It’s what gets us to act.
A compelling negotiation pulls people toward a decision. It doesn’t just entertain them. It doesn’t just inform them. It transforms how they see the situation, even if subtly.
You’re Not Selling, You’re Reframing
One of the biggest mistakes people make in business negotiations is thinking they have to “win someone over” with bullet points and brute force logic. That’s the realm of presentations. Or worse, debates.
Negotiation is more delicate. It’s about reframing.
When you reframe something, you help the other person see a new perspective, not because you said it louder, but because you made it click. You connected it to what they care about. You shifted how they interpret the situation.
That shift, that "aha" moment, that’s what moves people. That’s what turns a conversation into a negotiation.
Negotiation is Emotional (Yes, Even in Business)
A lot of folks think business is all rational. Cut and dry. Spreadsheet-driven.
Spoiler: it’s not.
People don’t make decisions based purely on data. They make decisions based on how they feel about the data. Or the risk. Or the opportunity.
So if your goal is to negotiate better, this is what we are looking for…the magic words are “I haven’t thought of it that way,” that’s the shift you’re after.
The Anatomy of a Compelling Negotiation
Let’s break it down. What actually makes a negotiation compelling?
1. Clarity of Stakes
You’re not just throwing out numbers or options. You’re clearly showing what’s at stake for them. Compelling doesn’t mean pushy. It means relevant.
2. Tension and Release
There needs to be some tension. Not conflict tension. A sense that something important is hanging in the balance. And then you offer relief and a path forward. That tension-release cycle keeps people engaged and invested.
3. Shifts in Perspective
You bring something new to the table, an insight, a connection, a value they didn’t see before. This is where reframing comes in. You’re not just arguing. You’re unlocking a new way to see the issue.
4. Behavioral Change
At the end of a compelling negotiation, someone does something different. They agree. They may reconsider. They change their stance. Without that? You had a nice chat. That’s it.
Let’s put this into perspective:
"The difference between interesting and compelling is the same difference as between a conversation and a negotiation."
In a negotiation, something changes: if nothing changes, it wasn’t a negotiation.
So the next time you’re prepping for what you think is a negotiation, ask yourself:
What do I want to change?
What needs to shift for this to be successful?
How can I reframe this in a way that makes them see new value?
Because if you’re just hoping they agree with you, you’re aiming too low. Agreement is nice. But movement? That’s power.
Negotiation is a Skill, Not a Script
You don’t need to be a hardball negotiator or a silver-tongued devil to be compelling. You just need to care enough to listen deeply and speak purposefully.
Don’t waste your energy trying to sound smart. Instead, ask better questions. Find out what actually matters to them. Then connect what you offer to what they care about.
That’s not manipulation. That’s alignment.
That’s negotiation.
A Note to the Veterans in the Room
Now, for the folks who’ve been around the block a few times, don’t get comfortable.
The minute you think you’ve “seen it all,” you start phoning it in. You stop pushing for the shift. You let conversations coast instead of driving them.
We’ve all done it. But negotiation isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it skill. It’s a living, breathing art form. And the moment you treat it like a routine, you start losing deals you should’ve closed.
So whether you’re new to this or ten years in, stay sharp. Stay curious. And stay compelling.
Final Thought
So stop settling for conversations that go nowhere. Start crafting compelling moments that move people. And remember, negotiation is not about being pushy. It’s about being powerful. Quietly, skillfully, powerfully persuasive.
Let’s not just talk. Let’s negotiate.
Bob Gibson
“I only do three things. I teach people to negotiate more effectively.
I coach teams through important negotiations when the results matter.
I speak at associations and conventions to inform and entertain.”
If you have a need for any of those, let’s talk.
415-517-8150
bgibson@negotiatingwisdom.com